A Matter of Pride
by Xirysa
Summary: Paine becomes nostalgic when Baralai asks her a pretty important question. MOstly from their Crimson Squad days together. Rated T to be safe. R&R please!


**Xirysa Says:** So… After reading nearly all of the Pairalai fics on this site… I was inspired. Therefore, for your reading pleasure, I present to you my first Pairalai fic ever. This was originally supposed to be quite short, actually, but… Enjoy, and please R&R!

Oh, and I don't own Final Fantasy. If I did, things would have turned out a lot differently…

...Snap I realized that parts of this are really rushed. Crap. Sorry to all of you.

-x-x-x-

**A Matter of Pride**

I've always prided myself on being able to stay level-headed even in the most bizarre of situations. It made me feel proud that I could build an impenetrable wall around my emotions to make me stronger. I was proud of myself for never showing a moment of weakness. But then I met you, and my walls began to crumble.

I don't know if you remember that day five years ago I was sixteen then – you weren't much older. I remember walking into the Crimson Squad camp feeling slightly embarrassed because I was one of the only girls enlisted, and even then only as a recorder. I had wanted to fight Sin with sword in hand, but I grudgingly accepted the job. I was still a part of the Crimson Squad and was still allowed to carry my sword if I ever needed to use it. But it did not matter. My pride was wounded.

I stepped into the camp carrying only my sword, a bag of my meager possessions, and my new recording sphere. I had been told by a guard to go to the main tent to get my group assignment. As I approached the large white tent in the center of the camp, I felt something collide into my shoulder; I was suddenly aware of the fact that I was falling. I crashed to the ground in an ungainly heap. My already hurt pride took another beating.

Angrily I sat up and looked at my assailant. I looked at you for the first time. You gave me a sheepish grin and stood up. You stooped down, extending one sun-kissed hand in my direction. And then you spoke to me for the first time.

"Sorry." Just a word. One word. That was all, and my pride began to heal. And honestly, that scared my. That was why I ignored your hand and stood up on my own. You straightened up with a slightly hurt expression on your face. Your headband was lopsided, some of your snow-white locks falling onto your tan brow. Your hazel eyes looked into my apologetically, and I couldn't help but give you a small smile as I told you to watch where you were going from now on. Your face brightened as you nodded your head vigorously, promising that you would watch your step from now on. We then parted ways, with me deciding to never talk to you again. You did something to that invisible armor I wore, and it frightened me. I didn't realize until later that you were slowly but surely freeing me from the prison I had woven around myself. You were never hurting my pride at all.

I don't know what to call it, but fate decided that you and I would meet again. I was assigned to be the recorder for your group. I saw a man in red suit with very…interesting hair and an arm and leg made put of machina. This was Nooj, I later learned. Then I saw an Al Bhed man sitting on the ground, tinkering with machina parts – Gippal. You were sitting on a rock, using your staff to draw some designs into the earth. You must have heard me approaching, because your head shot up. You smiled at me. Eyes twinkling, you got up and walked over to me.

"Nice to see you again," you said. I was about to reply when you pulled me over to where Nooj and Gippal waited. The introductions were made; Nooj was stoic, Gippal was bubbly, and you…

"I'm Baralai," you said with a smile. "What's your name?" I hesitated, but allowed myself to answer.

"Paine." You grabbed my hand again and bowed low, tilting your head and brushing your soft lips against the back of my hand before speaking again.

"Pleased to meet you, Miss Paine." I smiled. For the first time since enlisting for the Crimson Squad, I was proud to be a woman. The four of us sat down and talked. I remember that that was when Gippal gave me that ridiculous nickname. _Dr. P…_ I've forgotten how he came up with it, though. I enjoyed the company of all three of you. Nooj was like an indifferent but caring older brother, and Gippal was like an annoying younger one, although he was about a year older than I was. But you…

While I liked talking to all three of you, I found myself drawn to you. I don't know if you felt it then, but I think that you did. We sat by each other and walked together nearly everywhere those first few days. One day, after we had been there for nearly two weeks and before we had to sleep, the three of you confronted me.

You warned me to be careful because although I wasn't the only girl in camp, I was the youngest, and there was no telling what could happen to me. Nooj told me, in his indifferent and caring way, that the tent I would be sleeping in was right next to the tent the three of you would be sharing. The fact that you would be close to be calmed my nerves, although the expression on your face betrayed your fears. I put my hand on your shoulder and told you not to worry – I was a big girl. You gave a small laugh and, without warning, pulled me into a hug. My heart fluttered, and my eyes were wide with shock. What was this feeling stirring deep within my chest? It scared me. I gently pulled away from your strong arms and bade the three of you goodnight.

We arose the next morning, alert and ready for training. I stood with my things packed in my bag, which sat on the ground beside me and my sphere in my hand, awaiting orders. Suddenly, your cheerful face popped up in front of me, holding a little bunch of flowers in your hand. The sun had not even risen, and you had already made my day.

You remember that day long ago, don't you? It was the first time I had ever seen you so angry. It was also the day I realized my feelings for you. I had been sitting on a rock, cleaning my sphere to pass the time. One of the higher ranked members approached me with news that the captain wished to see me. You were a little ways of, sparring with Nooj and Gippal. The look of concern on your face changed to one of suspicion when I was told to leave my sword and camera sphere behind.

A little while later, I stood before the captain in his large tent. I could tell that he had been drinking, but I made no comment. I was proud of my observational skills, but even prouder of my ability to withhold vital information. It almost became my downfall.

The next thing I knew, I was lying on the floor of the tent, my shirt lying a few feet away. The captain's lips were smashed against my own, and his hand was trying to make its way down my shorts. I was more afraid than I had ever been in my life. I wrenched my head away, barely having enough time to scream your name before I was slapped across the face. I tasted blood in my mouth as the tears stung my face. Then I saw you.

Of course, Gippal and Nooj were there as well, dispatching those who stood guard outside the tent. But I saw only you. There was rage in your eyes that I'd never thought I'd see coming from such a strong, calm person. With this rage, you smashed the head of your staff across the back of the captain's head with a resounding _crack_. You pulled him off of me and, staff forgotten, began to pummel him with your bare fists.

You soon beat the man to a bloody pulp. Throwing the semi-conscious body on the ground, you turned to face me, the anger in your eyes replaced with fear, concern, and a glimmer of something else. I was suddenly very embarrassed – I was lying half naked on the floor, bloody and battered. All remaining pride I may have had vanished. Without warning, the tears overflowed. You saw and immediately sat down next to me, pulling me into a hug. I cried into your shoulder, and you sat there, soothing me with your presence alone. After a few minutes, I pulled away and looked into your hazel eyes. We leaned closer to each other and, with out warning, you were tentatively brushing your lips against mine. You were kissing me.

I was too shocked from my previous ordeal to respond immediately, but you seemed to understand. You gently pulled away and smiled. Leaning forward, you whispered the words I had last heard before my parents' deaths.

_"I love you."_ You got up as if to leave the tent, to allow me to put the pieces of my pride together. But I grabbed your sleeve and pulled you down again. I put my hand up to brush the soft skin of your cheek and kissed you. I don't know how long we were like that, but when we pulled apart, Gippal and Nooj were standing at the entrance of the tent, giving each other knowing glances. I looked at them only for a moment before focusing on you again. I opened my heart to you and regained all of my pride again in one sentence.

_"I love you too."_

The captain who had assaulted me was banished from the squad. The four of us were elevated in rank and were soon part of the select few picked out for the final training exercise. Another good thing happened from that incident, if you recall. You began to sleep in my tent. Of course, we never did anything beyond kissing, but I still felt loved. I realized then that it was that that I had seen in your eyes. Love. And I was proud again, even though I knew our love probably wouldn't last.

Do you remember the boat ride to Operation Mi'hen? We were on the _S. S. Winno_, discussing our lives after the defeat of Sin. I remember when Nooj stated that life would be boring after that - we were all laughing how we wanted excitement after searching for death for so long. We made jokes that night until we fell asleep on deck. Nooj, sitting on a crate, Gippal laying spread-eagle on the floor. You and I leaned against the edge of the ship, my head resting on your shoulder and your hand wrapped protectively around my waist. It was the most peaceful I had ever been in my life.

We stopped at a port to pick up some supplies the next day. Because we would be there the whole day, the four of us decided to head down to the beach. It was mostly Gippal, actually, but we all went anyway. Gippal immediately shed off all of his excess clothing and ran off into the surf, wearing only a pair of dark purple shorts. You took of your heavy robes, complaining that you were burning up. Soon, you stood only in your pants, and I was captivated at the muscles your billowing clothing hid. Nooj, understandably, sat on a rock, trying not to get sand or water onto his prosthetic limbs but enjoying the day in his own way. I was starting to get warm, too. I took off my rather long leather boots and gloves, placing them neatly next to the hapazard pile of clothing that belonged to Gippal. Soon, the Al Bhed called to us from the surf. Laughing, we ran to join him. That was the last time the four of us had fun together in a long time.

And then... Operation Mi'hen. The Den of Woe. So much death and saddness that day, I felt as if my past had caught up with me. When I saw the three of you in the cave, guns pointed to each other's heads... It was all I could do from running back out the cave and get help. Maybe I should have. Perhaps things would have turned out differently. But I didn't. Fortunately, things worked out and we, the four survivors of the Crimson Squad, left the cave physically unscathed.

Then we split up to keep the Maesters of our trail. We did not see each other for a month. When we came into contact again, Nooj was different. It was sutble, but I could sense it. The four of us agreed that the next day, we would part ways for good - or at least until a time the four of us were safe from the Maesters.

That night... We all met up at the Travel Agency on the Highroad. We knew it might have been the last time we saw each other. And so it was fate that it happened. Gippal and Nooj probably knew too, so they left us alone that night.

You and I stepped into the dark room we were to share in the Agency. Before I knew it, you had me up against the wall, your hands pushing up against the wall, keeping me pinned in place. My hands were against your chest, my lips passionately moving against your own. You murmured sweet nothings into my lips, and soon your hands moved from the wall and were traveling down my back. We began to undress each other, and soon we both stood in only our undergarments.

We moved to the bed, where you told me that this was your first time. I confessed that it was mine too, and you smiled. I ran my hands over your bare chest, shocked at how defined they were.

That night was nice. I was glad that my first time had been with you. It was awkward, kind, and gentle - a sharp contrast to what could have happened weeks earlier. The next morning, we parted ways. I was about to walk away when I heard a gunshot. I turned around, only to see you falling to the ground. A cry escaped my lips, seeing your prone figure on the hard ground. Gippal followed soon after, and I turned to see your assaliant. Nooj.

I was dumbstruck, but before I had a chance to say anything, I felt something embed itself near my collar bone, and white hot pain surging just above my knee. The last thing I heard before I lost conciousness was Nojo yelling in a voice that was not his.

_"I said your work's done!"_

Two years years since then. In that time, I looked for answers as to why those things happened. I joined the Gullwings and heard of your rise to Praetor. I heard of everything the three of you had done, and I was proud of you for becoming strong. But until I had answers to my questions, my personal pride would never heal.

A year passed after the defeat of Vegnagun. We all carried on with our lives. Yuna and her love got married, and Rikku and Gippal finally admitted how they felt for one another. I stayed with you, leaving now and then to travel on my own for a while. You didn't mind. That made me so happy. After a year of my coming and goings, you asked me to live with you permanently. Of course, you covered that up by saying that as the Praetor of New Yevon, you had a lot of room in your house. I knew what you really meant, but I agreed anyway.

Now one more year has passed since you asked me to live with you. I am sitting on a rock on the beaches of Bevelle, looking at the glint of silver in your hand as you kneel in front of me. The moon gazes down on us knowingly, and I smile. I get off the rock and kneel down to your level. I take your face in my hands and kiss your soft lips. You place the ring on my finger and we stand up. In a moment that is very uncharacteristic for me, I lift my head to the sky and give a squeal of delight.

Baralai, you have just asked me to marry you.

And I said yes.

My pride will never be wounded again, because I will be spending the rest of eternity with the one I love and cherish. The pride of my life.

My Baralai.

END.

-x-x-x-

**Xirysa Says:** Wow that was long. I kind like the ending. Maybe if you guys review enough I'll add another part. So this is all up to you.  
I just wanted to say... Thanks for reading this. All of you. I love you all. You make me so proud! **:D** I actually wrote most of this out on lined paper before typing it up. It prevented me from falling asleep in class. Took up like... Four or five sheets front and back. My hand's crying.  
ASFHDKSJFH Final Fantasy's got so many beautiful pairings... Which one shall I abuse next? Keh heh heh...


End file.
